Who Ya Gonna Call? House Hunters!!
I had no idea there were so many people living in crappy houses until I started house hunting.[We interupt this blog for the following announcement:]
My boyfriend is looking for a house. For HIM. I'm just there in a supportive girlfriend and as an extra set of eyes. One who notices the condition of windows and kitchen cabinets.
[We now return to our regularly scheduled blabbering all ready in progress.]
To all of my family and friends and your cute houses. . . how on earth did you do it? . I didn't expect to see granite counters, pantries, media rooms and spa tubs. I did expect to see houses that were tidied up ! Especially since these houses are selling for more than $300K!!! But no...... We're talking one step up from hovel. We've seen a 2 bedroom house that consisted of a bed in the kitchen (seriously) and another bed in the back porch area. We've seen dirt floors in basements that look like a crime scene. Cabinets falling off the walls. Concrete additions. A refrigerator in the entryway because it wouldn't fit in the kitchen.
We've got videotape. Couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
Last weekend we saw five houses with the terrific broker, Erin. She's just as brutal as we are in her comments sometimes. It's nice to know she isn't trying to get my BF to buy a house just so she can get a commission.
House #1 was pretty nice. The kitchen was small with only room for a very tiny table but the hardwoods were in nice shape, the basement was finished to be a family room. All the bedrooms had closets. The bathroom needed a lot of work. Why do people put windows IN the shower?? It wasn't a great house but it had potential. Later that day we found an offer had been made on it. Cross it off the list.
House #2 was described in the listing with lots of exlamation points. That's never good. "On a dead-end in a desirable family neighborhood." Yes, it was the last house on the street. And beyond the fence was a main road with an auto supply store, a karate school and a restaurant with an ice cream take-out window. That must be fun in July. This house was built in the 1950s and never really left. Each closet was carpeted with samples of shag carpet. And one entire bedroom was carpeted in 1 foot carpet squares. Maybe the owners knew a carpet salesman and stole his samples? We're talking plaid, bright orange, lime, all sorts of colors, patterns and textures. Now imagine pale mint green walls and pink and purple floral curtains. Eeeek. The kitchen still had a rotary phone!! The 'finished basement' was done in early VFW hall and featured an indoor outhouse. Yup. A closet with just a potty inside. Guess it stops your buddies from peeing in the backyard.
House #3 was billed as adorable and charming. That means tiny and old. Just opening the door let out the eau de Old Lady (Lysol, Listerine and Jeanne Nate powder mixed in with mothballs). The owner was home - that's always awkward. She told us we could look around. I moved from the tiny, but charming and clean parlor into the hallway to see the two bedrooms and bath. Walked right into an elderly lady in just her undies. Tried to spare my BFs, whispering "Back up, back up!" while pushing him back. Undeterred, he moved forward, video camera running and got an eyeful. Can't say I didn't try to warn you, babe. Quickly we retreated up the stairs to see the master bedroom. "Up the steep and very narrow staircase...." Yeah, it's really a finished attic area with sloped ceilings on both sides. Joel can't even stand up without poking his head into the plaster. We can hear the owner loudly explaining to her mother why she needed to put on some clothes. "We want to sell this house. You have to get dressed!" Didn't even bother with seeing the kitchen, bathroom or basement. High tailed it out of there. Later Nana!
House #4 had another home owner in attendance. Luckily she was on her way out but not before she made us go around to the other door because she was washing the floor. Her agent walked us through. So he tried and tried to make lemonade out of a lemon. Literally. The living room featured paneling that was painted a screaming yellow. Pair that with the lemon scented cleaner and it was lemonville!
House #5 said there was sometimes flooding in the basement but had a sump pump. Joel and I watched water pouring out of the gutters and found a pipe that flooded the yard. Greeted at the door by an ancient homeowner. She gave us a tour. She showed us the "extra" room that was her sons' bedroom. Accessible only by the pulldown stairs. That's gotta be convenient in case of fire. Don't forget to pull the stairs to let Timmy and Johnny out! I guess it works for a room if you are hiding a family from the Nazis. The shower was perfect for an elderly woman. Just a drain in the floor. No pesky tub or ledge to trip over. But where does the water go?? We skipped the upstairs tour.
Buying a house looks a lot easier on HGTV! But I guess being able to laugh [sometimes uncontrollably] helps. I'm surprised I can actually keep a straight face until I make it to the car.
posted by Christi @ 4:41 PM
3 Comments:
Oh Christi! I totally hear you on this! What is it about houses?? Try buying a condo in Orange County...same stories, but more ghetto-fabulous with lots of interesting Asian cooking smells imbedded into places.
ROFLMAO! Video.... I want to see the video! Or at the very least photos. Lordy I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt!
Ha! This was great, and I can so relate! Ty and I looked at a house once that the realtor described as, "needing some work." The second half of the house was burned! Falling apart and burned! Just crazy.
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